Playstation Woes

So the Wal*Mart in my area got the Metal Gear Solid Trilogy for $19.95. My brother saw it there and asked me about it.

"You talk about that game alot, right..." He says.

"Yes!" Says I, "I love it! I never played nor watched anyone else play it, but Snake/Otacon are my OTP! <3"

"...Whatever" Says he with teenage eyeroll. "It's at Wal*Mart."

"REALLY?!" Squeals I.

"Yes." Says he pulling fingers out of his abused ears.

So I bought it.... ^^

Now we find out that there's something wrong with either the playstation, the memory card, or the game itself. MSG worked alright on my brother's PS2 but refused to recognize his memory card, so we plugged in my ps1 memory card and it saved, but soon deleted the file. I tried to play the game on my PS2 but it refused to recognize the disk. I put in another ps1 game I have (Legend of Dragoon) and it played but refused to recognize my ps1 memory card. *forehead smack* Is it a problem with my playstation2? A problem with the memory card? Or a problem with the game itself...?

I am sad. ><;






Faith In The Eye of the Beholder

 In 2007 I converted from Catholic to Paganism. I was intensely unhappy with the way others were trying to dictate my own beliefs in life the world and everything. Many would call it rebelling. My parents were worried I was straying onto the wrong path.

I won't try to explain my own beliefs because they are complex and I am still trying to unravel what it is I truly believe in. Let's just say that I uncover a revelation on a near daily basis. 


Not twenty minutes ago I finished watching a History Channel special called "The True Face of Jesus". It was a very moving documentary on the Shroud of Turin which holds the perfect negative imprint of the man who is one of the most famous and beloved figures in history.

I believe in Jesus only as a man who tried to change the wrongs in the world and used his own life as a bargaining chip. Whether or not it was a fair exchange is something that many are still trying to figure out. I say he got short-changed and it's just going to get worse from here, but that's just be being pessimistic.

Using the Shroud of Turin a 3D artist was able, through much trial and error, create a moving (living, breathing?) image of Jesus. In one of the digital experiments he started separating the images in the cloth. The blood stains from the body. He was stunned, I was stunned, I think anyone who sees the image is stunned.

Jesus was covered nearly head to foot in his own blood. I'm surprised he didn't bleed to death before ever reaching his goal. His back resembles nothing more than ground hamburger and there is so much blood around his head and side. 

The artist described it as looking at someone whose been in a car accident.  He described it as no less than "Viscious"

It got me to thinking. In almost every image I've seen of Jesus he looks sad. Sort of meloncholy. Was Jesus ever truly happy? I know that it's only the artists interpretations but the thought makes me want to cry. It's so desperately unfair.

I think children made him happy. I mean all the artwork I've seen of Jesus with children, although he still looks a little wistful, at least he looks peaceful and content. 

Maybe it's because children are so spiritually untainted and adults are pretty much a lost cause. 

Although there is one sketch that I really really want a copy of. It's a bust shot of Jesus laughing his ass off at something or other. It was the most awesome picture I've ever seen. There are no cares, no worries, no sadness. Just laughter and unbound joy.

It's one of the reasons I still have faith in this man. The main reason I left Christianity is because of the unhappiness and injustice I associate with it. The first Christians, the Nostics believed that Heaven was on Earth in a different plain that no mortal eye could see. That Jesus and saints and angels and god were among us. 

It made me sad. To think that Jesus could stand amidst the Christian Extremists and scream in their ears for them to stop and they wouldn't hear him.

Margaret Cho said it best when she said that the bible could be summed up in three ways "Shut up, Get along, I'm coming back" and that the true face of the devil was intolerance.

How sad it is that I have to denounce an entire religion in order to get to the heart of what I believe should have been the core of that faith: Love for thy neighbor, Love for theyself, and love for the one who loves you back.

My own philosophy on religion is a weird sort of Chicken/Egg thing. What came first? Was it Deity that created man? Was it man that gave Deity meaning?

No matter what happens. No matter who hurts me or who denounces me. Whoever ignores me or chastises me for my beliefs I know I'm loved and that's all that matters.

My family loves me, my coven loves me and my Goddess loves me. Heck, even a philosopher who was murdered over 2000 years ago loved me enough to try to change the world for me (with varying degrees of success considering the number of religious crimes committed in his name). With their love I can love myself.

At the core of it all I believe in the power of Love and that Love is all you really need to truly conquer all.

Reanimation is harder than it looks those zombies don't get enough freaking credit......

Well... This month has just flown by in a rush now hasn't it? And I spent most of it rearranging my room. Anything that I didn't need was either thrown away or put into storage. I got a new full sized bed... I'm still getting used to it, for the past 15 years or so I've been sleeping on a crappy old single so now I'm not sure what to do with all this free space... 

(have a slumber party maybe..? >V<)

My walls are covered in artwork I bought at AnimeIowa and I just put up my new KHII poster *happy*. I'm still trying to figure out where to put the artwork that was drawn by my friends... They were gifts and are close to my heart so I'm not really sure where to put them... 

My room is tiny. The bed itself takes up half the space. I've also got a desk and a dresser. My closet has been converted into a book/anime/video game space and is completely full. My book case is full of manga, my dresser top I'm using for the Imac that has the internet connection *is a PC girl and currently miserable* ><. My wrists hurt from typing at a funny angle. My lava lamp is sharing space with the mac. My other computer (the baby) is on the desk and is currently on the fritz. Someone is supposed to come take a look at her thurseday... I hope they can find out what's wrong with her.

My art supplies are sharing space with the baby  and the tv I inherited from a friend is taking up the rest of the space. 

Not to mention I still have boxes of Wizard, Game Informer, and Anime Insider magazines, sketchbooks, notebooks and artwork just sitting in the corner with no place to really put them...

But on the upside I have a new bed, my room is clean, I don't feel like I have any messes to hide, I can have friends in here and it smells pleasantly of peachy-peach car freshener... ^^

I've started painting again, I'm currently leveling up characters in FFXII and if this writer's block with just go away everything would be like my room: pleasantly smelling of peachy-peach car freshener.

And hey, I've got the internet in my room! Now if only the connection was strong enough to get youtube to work everything would be coming up roses...

Or something like that... ^^
Gravitation:Pissy Novelist

Word Meter February

Many many many many thanks to askerian  for all of her help and advice! Apparently I was using the wrong tab for copypasting codes. It's HTML not Richtext like I thought.... Well... Now I just feel stupid... ><;


Blantantly copying this from her own NaNoWriMo entries in a form of hero-worshipping flattery. My dream is to someday touch the shadow of your greatness!

Here goes nothing... ^^


2468 / 50000 words. 5% done!

Through The Looking Glass Chapter 4
2468 / 6000 words. 41% done!

EDIT: OH YEAH BITCHES! THAT'S RIGHT! I finally cracked 5% on the total! 40% done with chapter 4! And my lovely beta everfire tells me that she should be done with the second edit on chapter 1. The line art for the cover of chapter 1 is almost done and then I can start illustrating! OH YEAH! STARR IS ON TOP O' THE WORLD!

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Wish me luck, I know I'll need it! ^^ More meters will be added as I update more parts. Maybe I should start a Chronological Order Page just to keep things convenient... ><;

I <3 lj


Let us speak for a moment about plot-bunnies.  Those adorably cute little balls of thought process that mutate into giant epic cross-overs of doom that have subliminal philosophical as well as small dabs of theological thought process thrown in for good measure.

Plot bunnies. I has them. I tried to do something with them I really did. I even joined fanfic100 in an attempt to get them out and onto paper. But the problem with that was that while I have no trouble writing and getting my plot-bunnies out onto paper, I can't conform them to one type of topic. The one I chose for my fanfic100 was Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy: The Organization. It was for one of the parts of Through The Looking Glass titled All The King's Men.

But I quickly lost interest when I tried to force myself to commit to a deadline. Not in the fic, but for writing out the plot bunny for something as concrete as a community.

I love fanfic100. I really do. If I had the time I would totally go back and commit. But I work. Alot. I'm also trying to make my way as an artist and that's really hard when you have no time. I also like video games. And movies. And anime. And manga. And books. And fanfiction. And I really  really really love my friends. My mother also has Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclrosis and needs a lot of help with housework.

It wasn't too long ago that someone called kaitodoushi contacted me and asked me to give up my spot for them. With a heavy heart I agreed. It wasn't as hard to give it up as I thought it would...

Anyway... I found that I still wanted to get my plot-bunnies out and in some form of order so I could use them later on. Thus...
Collapse )...Yeah... It's just a table for now... I kinda want to experiment with it a bit. I was inspired by what I saw ivyverse do on her website for her fanfiction The Roots of the Ivy.

Who knows what this will end up turning into? X )

Writer's Block: Animal magnetism

What animal best represents your inner spirit? If you had to wake up as an animal, which one would you choose, and why? Are your two answers the same? Why or why not?

Now I almost never do these since the only Writer's Block involves fanfiction. But this was just such an interesting topic that I just had to answer it... ^^

When I first entered the Everfire Coven of Neo-Wicca my High Priestess wanted to know what animal I was. She was a Wolf her husband was a Wolf there was also a Cat, a Bunny, and a Bird. She asked me a series of questions and poked at me and at the end she proclaimed that she had no idea what the hell I was.

About a year later the college I was attending started renovations and cut down six gorgeous young trees. When I saw the carnage I completely broke and inconsolable for several hours. Instead of seeing trees I saw children torn to bits and covered in blood. I clutched a piece of blasted trunk to me and refused to move.

Luckily most of my Coven was there to comfort me and in an astonished voice my High Priestess said that I wasn't an animal. I was a tree.

So to answer the question I am a Laural Tree and if I had to wake up as anything it would be a tree. I would dig deep into the soil and turn water into oxygen. I would protect the birds in my branches, the rodents in my trunk and the wolves in my raised curling roots. I would weather the ages surrounded by my breatheren and together we would do the Goddess' work of keep the balance of nature. And when I died my body would return to the soil and feed and house an entire ecosystem before a new tree would rise from my remains and take my place in the forrest.

It is a good dream. When I die I hope I am reborn as a Tree. Even if my life were to be short at least I would know that I am doing something to help someone. My life would not be meaningless.



Okay... I'm alright... I think...


For the past so many weeks I've been struggling with this horrible creative block. Nothing I did seemed to be working. I played around with songlists. I poked at world-building. I did some character design... Nothing. Nada. Zip.

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Yeah... I know... I'm completely and totally insane. At least I'm not depressed anymore... ^^
Fuck it

Official List Post

(Edit: Stupid livejournal cuts don't like me... ><. Here's a repost, for my own neurotical comfort..)

Here it is... The list of stuff that will, with any hope at all, appear in Through The Looking Glass. ^^

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